John Robinson

Notes from all over--

IDIOT SIGHTING:

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two..."

We haven't used Sears repair since.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "You gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said "We're sorry but we cannot do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back $1 and 75 cents in change.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The stop-light on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?

She was a probation officer in Wichita, KS.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.

A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriff's office, no less.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "It's open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."

This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, MS.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When I left Hawaii and was transferred to FL, I still had the Hawaiian plates on my car, as my car was shipped from Hawaii . I was parking somewhere (I can't remember) and a guy asked me "Wow, you drove from Hawaii to here?" I looked at him and quickly said, "Yep. I took the Hawaii/San Francisco Bridge." He nodded his head and said, "Cool!"

STAY ALERT! They walk among us... and they vote... and they reproduce...

Nothing writing-related this time. Just gravy, that wonderful substance that deserves a food group of its own.

In the eyes of a true Southerner it must be argued that potatoes in any form are really nothing more than a Gravy Transportation Medium (GTM). Any GTM that can hold a copious quantity of said gravy thus is a requirement for a Thanksgiving or Easter repast (or any repast, really).

In my own misspent youth, when the potatoes were gone I was known to slather two pieces of cornpone with turkey gravy, let it sit and soak for a minute, and then eat the pone with a spoon. The things died happy.

In truly dire circumstances, when even the pone had all disappeared, I'd simply upend the gravy boat into my gaping maw and swallow in rapturous gulps (eliciting squeals of laughter from my younger brother and screams of dismay from my mom).

But I digress...

Okay, next step in the countdown to August: comps, otherwise known as "comparable titles."

What that means is the distributor for Sheaf House is asking for other apocalyptic thrillers similar in style to Heading Home, if not exact content.

This can get a bit tricky, as creative types tend to feel their work is unique, or at least puts a unique spin on an oft-visited subject. I do; every writer worth their salt does.

But the marketplace truth is more stark: the ones whose job it is to get books onto store shelves want to know going in the competition they're up against. You really can't blame them; they've been tasked to try to get the right books on the right shelves in the right stores with the right readership, with the net result being enough units are moved to make everyone happy.

So what the heck; I did some digging, and gave 'em some comps.

I still think Heading Home is unique, though. Danged if I don't. *G*

Just a quick note to remind us all to pray for those folks who endured this latest shaking, as well as the ones in Haiti still recovering. Not to mention the tsunami ...

"May we live in interesting times", indeed.

... so said the bullfrog. Hard to believe it's been a month since my last addition here. I hope to do better with that; a countdown fits the bill nicely.

Here's what I mean. As of today, it's six months until my apocalypse-with-a-twist thriller Heading Home is released upon an unsuspecting world (much like Godzilla, or Paris Hilton). As each milestone of the book is hit, I plan to post it here.

Okay, first. The cover is already up for your perusal, both on the homepage of the site and on the "works" page. The designer nailed it, I think. She incorporated the novel's main themes, the consequences, the ticking clock, and the Vietnam backstory, in one picture ... neat trick, that.

And I know I've already said this, but if you're curious about the writing itself just click "works", then the book's title, and you can read the first chapter of it for free (the same goes for all my novels). In this case it's the first two chapters (I wanted to make sure you're good and hooked; generous sod, ain't I? *G*).

Next milestone: as of two weeks ago, the endorser copies have gone out. This is always a bit of a sweaty time, wondering if your peers will like the thing enough to put their names to it. Hope so. We'll see.

Next up (and this will be a few more weeks down the road), hard copies will be going to the review sites (Publisher's Weekly, The Library Journal, a bunch of others). In other words, sweaty palms, part deux.

But as I said, that's a little ways off.

I thank you for making this journey with me.

No, not those kind. The good kind, from the late fifties and early sixties.

I remember True magazine; my dad subscibed to both it and Argosy. Both were interchangeable, full of “I had to gnaw off my own foot to escape the Hottentots”-type stories, and both were great fodder for twelve-year-old boys.

My mom didn’t quite approve me reading them, but there were no girlie pics, which left her position a little untenable. (more…)

Hi all. Just wanted to say wordsmith extraordinaire, Tamera Lynn Kraft, has posted an interview she did with me (and she did a terrific job).

Here's the link: http://www.wordsharpeners.wordpress.com

I'd love to hear from you!

For those of you who read the teaser on 6 January, the first chapter of Relentless is now up. As I said yesterday, it'll be out next spring, 2011, from Narrow Road Publishing. Just go to "works," and then click "Relentless." I'd love to hear what you think!

The teaser of my newest novel Relentless will be up tomorrow. Just click "works" and the first chapter will pop up.

Featuring soldier-of-fortune (and former Army Ranger) Mac Ryan, Relentless is the story of a man of honor trying to locate a missing teenaged girl, and in doing so finds himself facing a horrifying killer known only by the macabre appellation "Boneless Chuck." Relentless will thrill readers who are fans of white-knuckle excitement. It'll be out next spring (2011) from Narrow Road Publishing.

Just a short note to say the first two chapters of my apocalypse-with-a-twist thriller Heading Home are up on this site. Click the "works" tab to the left, and then click the title.

The thing was a ton of fun to write, and is sure to be controversial (I hope).

Enjoy!